This is an amusing poem I found cleaning out my desk. If I interpret (and remember) correctly, I missed a shift of work (I was a lifeguard for the City of Belleville) because I had to attend some event or other with my parents. Naturally enough I expected my boss to chew me out and my way of avoiding worry was to write a poem. Now, I’m not weird enough to actually GIVE this to her (she was, umm, an unpleasant woman in any case) but it’s fairly amusing to read in retrospect. With all the references to “master” I keep thinking of Gollum. But that’s just me. :)

Hmm, along the same lines, I wish I could find the amusing poem I wrote as an apology to the front desk receptionist at the YMCA for taking “her” parking spot on one occasion. It was fun. Oh wait, I found it!

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Plea

Copyright © 1998

Woe is me,
for I have offended my master!
I had a responsibility,
and I gave too short a warning
before delegating this duty
to another of thy servants.’Tis not from sloth,
that I forsake my vigil,
for the playful glee
and beaming smiles
of frolicking children
beckon to me;
the innocent joy
of my young charges
fills my spirit with its bright nature.Nay, I shrink not from my duty;
I was called away by some for whom
I hold much love and much obligation
for they sired me and raised me,
teaching me the ways of this world.
Their notriety lies
in giving such calls
with next to no warning;

Perchance – nay, ’tis certain!
I was not as ferverent in my search
for a replacement to suit you, my master,
as I should have been,
when first I heard this news.

Yeah, justly lie I in your warath
and tremble prone at your feet –
for thy fiery hair, great lady,
heralds thy Martian anger
and thy piercing eyes,
spear my heart, my soul
In thy flowing voice,
I sense thy dissapointment.

But I beseech you,
O most illustrious of women,
to stay thy fury,
withold thy punishment!
I am but young and new,
apt to such mistakes.
However, I learn, kind master!
Should I show once more
That this lesson is untaught,
unlearned,
then please, I ask you,
cast both thine penetrating eyes
upon my soul,
holding me in thy spell,
and launch thy vilest curse,
release thy wrath,
upon this most unworthy wretch.

I remain thy humble servant
And await thy judgment.